1. |
Mr. Fuckup (I Lost It)
01:57
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*crying
There hasn't been one moment the past four months
Which I haven't wished I was dead
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2. |
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Flaws and lip stick
Break down of ancient release
The torch is drawn over flaming jaw
Which claps back against the clock
Forgiven and forgotten, the goblin wakes at night
To stalk the streets of London, and those who rob
Are proven queens and kings of thieves
The dirtiest cadavers up and over the wall
The garden wall all suffocated with ivy
Which drags small children down and down and down
The numbness edge and empty nibbles, eh, Rat?
Sucks his tail as the green thumb of Nature given
As hellspawn and the wire around the wrists is ripped raw
The red of God in the whiteness and perfectness of breasts
As giving, given, gave off the top and underneath mountain
Volcanos and Pisces shift, tectonic plate alight
With gasoline murky from the vomit of the manic
As Geoff or true or Balance is tipped over, scale models
Of the domain of royal purple sunflower smokey Crowling
Whisper out the sins and outline on a map to the heart on our kin
The kind of mission the weakest links break on
Or break from, to live as they are
Metal circles trip and tangle
The anaconda's body all squiggling the floor
The floor is full of laws and lipstick fire jaw fountain
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3. |
Chrome
01:24
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You are God
I can see you are God in the lightning
That strikes and burns what it touches
Crown of fire, crown of electricity
That sparks the devil in us
And the fear of you
The world scares me
As I can see it tearing apart
If I return
I'll take no prisoners
Not this time
Nor ever again
When you walk back
On what you promised me
You won't talk back
Or ever again
Come, now, rest easy
In the pain we share
Split down the middle
Some more equal than others
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4. |
Kristallnacht
13:44
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5. |
Stop-Gap
00:26
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Unhand me, fate
I've been through enough, these past few days
People come and go at a breakneck pace
And I've grown weary, unable to stay sane
Lightning never strikes the same place twice
We only get lucky in life once
True love may never die in the back of our minds
But lack of oxygen ruins the need for a guide
Back to the drink again
I'm afraid I'm not too thrilled to see you, old friend
Last I checked, you stabbed me in the back, left me for dead
I woke up in ruins as pain continued to spread
So unhand me, fate
Villain, syncophant, unruly slave
Forging my own path hasn't come yet
I'm dying to reach the light and save
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6. |
Battery Acid
15:49
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The bumps on these four long walls
Reading like braille through the hall
A history touching fingertips
Finger-painting waves and ships
Or children at play in a forest
I sing and the sound bounce(s) back at me
Ice and death
The coldest shoulder
From the five of them
My former friends
Red is unkind
As a camouflage
Gives away position
Head gets new incision
Lobotomy
Visible breath
In the strangest of winters
The five of them
My greatest challenge
I must survive
For my sister
Hurting hearts all day
The worst kind of sinner
Lobotomy
I see my future laid out before me
I could get with anyone of them if I tried
Or cared enough to
I think my face is broken
I cannot seem to stop smiling
Caught off guard
Heart in throat
I feel sick
Lobotomized
There is no reason to cause yourself such pain
Why wallow in the mire than get clean again?
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7. |
Hospital
05:29
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I haven't dreamt of positive things for some time. The black thing which occupies the corner doesn't allow it. Well, I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it. But I know its eyes only open when I close mine. All dozen of them perched on the stoop of my face, probably sloping my brain inward, concave. I'm spoon-fed. Ugly, toxic things.
It's been there for some time. I tried moving it, shuffling it away from its slimy home. Sometimes it moves willingly, other times I have to wrench it out of there. I toss it down the stairs, and it coils and recoils step by step like a slinky. I expected some unearthly wailing, but it's kept its silence. (Every time.) It kept the peace of the house so the others wouldn't notice. At least, not immediately. Some part of me continues to be disappointed. The sadist wants to hear the scream of shame, of humiliation, to have the control to induce pain. Call it petty revenge. I've long since passed the point of caring.
Yet every time, it proves a fool's errand. Blink and it's back again. In the corner, furthest from the exit, which is my door, which I painted red and black months back. In the dark, the red looks like rust. I wonder if the thing's eyelids creak in the dim light, if the jelly gleams creamy goodness. Or rather, badness. Because nothing good can come from having a monster just outside the closet. An abomination of Lovecraft hiding in plain sight? Don't make me laugh. Not that I could utter from my gut such a sound anyhow. Not for years, now.
I'm broken. That, I know. And that horrid demon is living proof. What the hell really is it?
And resting in peace continues to escape me. I'm plagued and devastated by strange visions. Wild hallucinations. Delusions of a terrorist. Infidels cleansed. Me finally dead.
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Colour Sound Oblivion Claremore, Oklahoma
I play, therefore I am.
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